Why I Love Skirts and Godzilla

As a child, I was a tomboy. My sister gets pink, I get blue. She wears the dresses, I wore the pants. She got the Barbie, I got Godzilla. Years later, I have a make-up kit I find more important than my phone, an obsession for shades, a closet full of skirts, and a Godzilla toy.

Let me count the ways I love skirts and Godzilla:

1. With skirts, you never need to worry about leaving your fly open whenever you go to the ladies room.
2. Godzilla is way cooler than any other dinosaurs on TV, I mean, who are the kids  watching nowadays Barney? Bah!
3. Skirts get you freebies. Yes, we have an idea how the male brain works sometimes
4. Godzilla can scare off other city invading creatures and eat all the people he likes, for free!
5. Skirts make you look taller.
6. Godzilla makes King Kong look like a drummer chimpanzee.
7. There are repetitive mention of skirts in cool songs, digs?
8. Godzilla is educational. He was originally an allegory for the nuclear devastation of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. See, toys and television can teach you a lot too.

One of the Dirtiest Songs I Have Ever Heard

“Kiss Me Where It Smells Funny”

By The Blood Hound Gang

You came twice last year like a Sears catalog,
Cause your last boyfriend makes love like Boss Hogg,
Well now you’re seeing me but soon I’ll have you seeing God,
Cause girl I’ll get you panting like you’re Pavlov’s dog,
Like a DC-10: guaranteed to go down,
But baby your black box is the one that I found,
I’ll give you the gift that keeps on givin’ it won’t cost you any money,
Then she grabbed me by the ears and said kiss me where it smells funny.

So down I go like I’m 2000 Flushes,
I can tell I’m doing something right by the way that she blushes,
She’s one that’s speechless, I’m the one that’s tongue tied,
She’s thinking holy mackerel I’m thinking tuna on the side,
There must be something wrong with Al Pacino’s nose,
Cause the scent of a woman is like rotten tomatoes,
Yeah I’m snorkeling for clams and it doesn’t matter if I wanna be,
Don’t come up for air until you kiss me where it smells funny.

Drop my face below her waist and stay on third base,
I can tell that the cherry’s ripe by the way it tastes,
Yeah I could make a lot of wine with the yeast I find inside her panties,
And then drink it while eating out down at the Seafood Shanty,
Drop my face below her waist and stay on third base,
I can tell that the cherry’s ripe by the way it tastes,
Yeah I could make a lot of wine with the yeast I find inside her panties,
And then drink it while eating out down at the Seafood Shanty.

Girl Crushes

I pay my tribute to girl crushes and girl talks, girl talks meaning talking about girl stuff, and talking about hot girls per se. Plus, some long long ago stuff.

“Bullets”

Come fly down, like a singing bird
Sings your name, I am still the same,
Black and white, no you’re not to blame,
Holly sweet…put me down to shame…

Lights in the car in the park,
I’m falling on my face I know who we are…
And I ain’t looking down for the rest of the night
A bullet in my head ended late last night…

Jack and coke, please take off your coat,
Come and smile, please stay here a while,
Come and dance, shuffle with a glance,
When you’re gone, bring in for the dawn…

She’s shaking in the car with the gun in her hands,
Falling over love and a sweet romance,
And I ain’t never thought it could come down to this,
A bullet in my head, with the sweetest kiss…it’s in my head

It’s in my head
My head
I know

She’s shaking in the car with the gun in her hands,
Falling over love and a sweet romance,
And I ain’t never thought it could come down to this,
A bullet in my head
My head
My head

It’s in my head
It’s in my head
Now it’s in my head
It’s in my head
Now it’s in my head

“My Favorite Accident”

I got the message long before you said you knew
There was no chance of us at all
With no velocity and empty-headed hard and far-too-long
I spent two years alone with you
Just when I thought I had forgotten
You came back soft without a sound

You said we were an accident
With accidents you’ll never know what could have been
So we were an accident
You’ll always be my favorite one

You hit the road and left me an ocean
I can’t swim in the silence of your skin-skin please let me in
Side the times we never had right
Inside two years alone with you

You said we were an accident
With accidents you’ll never know what could have been
So we were an accident
You’ll always be my favorite one

We could have been (We could have been again)
Instead of accidental running always running (why can’t you believe)
We could have been (We could have been again)

Long winded promises of future company
Up close the sound remains the same
Without the reign of terror over every momentary change
We are exactly as before

You hit the road and left me an ocean
I can’t swim in the silence of your skin-skin please let me in
Side the time I had to forget you
Inside no chance of us at all

“Suspension”

Lately I’m alright
and lately I’m not scared
I’ve figured out,
that what you do to me feels like
I’m floating on air.
I don’t need to know right now
all I know is I believe
in the very thing that got us here
and now I can’t leave.

Say anything, but say what you mean,
cause I’m caught in suspension.

Now,
I’m wanting this for sure
and I’ll beg for nothing more.
I’ll plan all day and drive all night
you’ll love what’s in store.
I can’t seem to stop this now
even if it’s not so clear,
and I’ll take what I can get.
If you want me here (If you want me here)

Say anything, but say what you mean.
When you whisper you want this
your eyes tell the same.
We are gaining speed
I can barely breathe.
Cause I’m caught in suspension.

It’s enough for me to get excited,
It’s enough for me to feel…Oh!

Say anything, but say what you mean.
When you whisper you want this.
Your eyes tell the same.
We are gaining speed (suspension)
I can barely breathe (Oh, please say what you mean)
I’m caught in suspension (suspension)
I’m caught in suspension.

Say (say) anything (suspension)
but say what you mean (Oh, please say what you mean)
I’m caught in suspension (suspension)
I’m caught in suspension.
We are gaining speed (suspension)
I can barely breathe (Oh, I can barely breathe)
I’m caught in suspension (suspension)
I’m caught in suspension.

Say (say) anything (suspension)
but say what you mean (Oh, I can barely breathe)
I’m caught in suspension.

Kidnap by Alcohol, My Version of Romeo and Juliet

A bar named after a local fruit, two bottles of beer, an ambush from a friend, and some emo cries to match an emo haircut is the newest version of Romeo and Juliet.

The friend ambushes for me to take pictures of emo sepia tone to match the emo bangs, with blue guitar on the side, and a few bottles more, I take the pics. To be viewed by her friends later, which turned out to be good, either from the excellent bar lighting, or from the shaking of my hand, holding her cam phone. And it plays,

Behold this night, still and clear
You look here just like an angel sleeping
I wish I could ease your fears
I would catch the diamond tears you’re weeping
In your eyes I would hide
By your side I could defy
The forces tearing us apart
But reality, as it seems
Looking back, is that our dream
Was fated from the start

Forever true
I’ll see you through

The boyfriend, holding your hand, asking you if you remember, that night, that night with that song. The warm air gives your neurons a slower passage to the brain, and you just don’t remember. He sulks back, and won’t accept the excuses, which makes sense.

Another dream-like evening, and I remember different angles of Red Horse, and a new found love for D-Bar.